Opening the Bourbon One-handed

As is typical in new construction, the countryside, and Texas – we’ve got scorpions and lots of them.  Since the weather’s warmed, they’ve started pouring out from beneath baseboards at night and scuttling out from under cabinets.  They scurry across the floor ready to attack, with tails hanging forward over their bodies, swinging every which way.  Although I understand the very real possibility I will step on one in the middle of the night during a trip to the bathroom, I don’t waste much time feeling terrorized.  Since I’d never been stung, I assumed it was equivalent to a bee sting, and the little critters themselves don’t scare me – much.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been pretty thoughtless about the places I reach into with an un-gloved hand.  Like, for example, the covered outdoor faucet near the chicken coop.  You know, the kind of dark and damp space that attracts scorpions.  Maybe that’s why I felt it was perfectly acceptable to remove the cover of the faucet compartment and, without looking, reach my hand down to the faucet, wrapping my fingers firmly around it.

As soon as my fingers touched the underneath of the faucet, the tip of my middle finger was pierced by something- the pain of which immediately throbbed and pulsed through my hand, up my arm.  I could feel it in my neck.  A quick look down affirmed the culprit, as a small flash of brown with pincers ran across the dirt.  Without thinking I resorted to my go-to, fall-back response to shock and pain.  I screamed a scream of 1,000 screams.  Remember the scene from the last Harry Potter movie when Voldemort’s disembodied voice calls out through the Great Hall?  Remember that little girl in the corner who screamed, and screamed, and screamed?  Yea, that was me, last night.  When the screaming ended I looked around to find 40 some-odd animals completely startled and at full attention.  The cows stood, mid-cud-chew on the fence line, ears forward and eyes round in horror.  All six donkeys lined up behind them with mouths hanging open.  Only Boo could muster a puny hee-haw, like a question, “Mom – what the hell?”  My dogs came bounding from the porch and jumped and whined around my legs.  The 20 chicks sprinted into the coop and peeked out from beneath their ladder.

After gathering my remaining wits, I stumbled into the house and was repeatedly surprised at the strength of the toxin that felt like it was thundering in my arm with each heart beat.  If you need assurance you’re alive, let a scorpion sting your hand.  You’ll feel it.  I called Jer who laughed and said I had officially crossed over into becoming a legit country dweller (I kinda thought that already happened when I bought the cows, the land and, you know, started to dwell in the country).  He told me to keep it iced, take a deep breath, get over it.  So I did all that (Minus the “getting over it.”  That’s not my style).  On my way back outside, hand wrapped in ice, I spotted my beloved bottle of Maker’s Mark on the counter.  In cowboy movies, don’t people always take a swig of whiskey before having their legs lopped off or bullets removed?  I felt this justified a shot of bourbon and was sure it would dull the pain.  Verdict: The hand throbbed all night, and the bourbon just made me sleepy.  The best remedy for the pain of a scorpion sting is to not get stung.  Simple stuff.  It goes without saying that I will be shod in gloves and boots now, for the duration.




  • FreeRange Pamela

    May 30, 201210:54 pm

    You should have heard our son the first time he got stung. I thought he was dying! The whole neighborhood heard him (and we live on acreage)! But, honestly, I suspected a scorpion sting. I have somehow survived (knock wood) without getting stung yet, but we'll see…

  • FreeRange Pamela

    May 30, 20129:44 pm

    You should have heard our son the first time he got stung. I thought he was dying! The whole neighborhood heard him (and we live on acreage)! But, honestly, I suspected a scorpion sting. I have somehow survived (knock wood) without getting stung yet, but we'll see…

  • Brett

    May 21, 20128:48 pm

    Yeah, those little buggers pack a punch! I've had a few encounters with them and I can't tell which is worse the pain or the panic it caused. Luckily, I found that the ones around here are not lethal.

    Had one in the middle of the kitchen floor one night last week!

    Kudos for even having the bourbon on hand! Too bad it wasn't corked, you could have just used your teeth. Hahaha.

    WeldrBrat is right, Diatomaceous Earth is good, though I'd never heard about it being used as a paste. We used it as a pest control all around the home and in the weep holes. It's supposed to dry them out whenever they crawl through it and they die of dehydration. We heard about how Lavender is another deterrent and planted them all around the last house.

    If you're in the mood for a road trip, wine AND lavender, Becker Vineyards towards Fredricksburg has a festival featuring all the above. Although it may have already passed.

    Okay, one more thing and I'll shut up. Supposedly….these creatures will glow under certain ultra violet lights, such as a black light. Could put a few of those out as night lights!

  • Karen

    May 19, 20121:54 am

    Meat tenderizer helps. I always check my boots… one time I pulled them on with a scorpion inside!

  • WeldrBrat

    May 18, 20127:41 pm

    Next trip to the feed store… pick up a bag of Diatomaceous Earth. If you're not familiar with it… write it down and stick it in your purse! Make a paste and tape a wad covered with gause for a day or so. If you can get hold of any Raw Blue Clay around there…that works wonders, too! And it's worth a few extra dollars to pick up the Crown! LOL